Middle school is a time when many readers are first learning to balance the expectations of their families, their teachers, and their friends while also deciding what expectations they have for themselves. Author Maria Marianayagam reflects on how we can help guide children to make good choices during this phase of their lives.

Every child wants to fit in. But what happens when the need for acceptance clashes with staying true to who they are? Many kids, especially those from immigrant families, find themselves navigating two very different worlds. At home, they embrace their culture and family’s expectations. At school, they feel pressure to adapt—sometimes in ways that challenge their at-home values. This push and pull can lead to tough decisions, and for some, choices they later regret.

For many, code-switching becomes second nature. They adjust the way they speak, behave, and even make decisions based on where they are. For me, it was small things—eating with my hands at home but using utensils at school, or pretending I had my own room when, in reality, I shared one with my sister. At school, many kids might hide parts of their culture, pretend to like things they don’t, or downplay their intelligence to avoid standing out. At home, they might feel their parents won’t understand what they’re going through, so they keep their struggles bottled up. Over time, this can lead to a deeper identity crisis: Who am I really?

But when code-switching goes beyond surface-level habits and starts affecting a child’s core values, the stakes become much higher. What happens when fitting in means becoming someone you’re not? And how can we help kids make good choices under these pressures?

This is exactly what Ajay Anthonipillai, the protagonist in my middle-grade novel No Purchase Necessary, experiences. At home, his parents expect him to excel and uphold their Tamil Sri Lankan values. But at school, he’s bullied for everything from his lunch to his keener attitude. In a desperate attempt to be accepted, he makes a bad decision—stealing a chocolate bar under peer pressure of someone he wants to impress. What follows is a whirlwind of consequences, but at its heart, the story isn’t just about a stolen candy bar. It’s about the cost of trying to be someone you’re not.

Ajay’s struggle isn’t unique, though. Many kids feel caught between two worlds—regardless of race or background. They want to make their families proud, but they also want to be liked by their peers. In No Purchase Necessary, Ajay isn’t the only one dealing with these pressures. Other characters face similar challenges with their parents.

So how can we help kids navigate this? First, by creating environments where they feel safe to be themselves. Parents, teachers, and caregivers can encourage kids to embrace their family backgrounds while also recognizing the challenges of fitting in. Representation in books, media, and classrooms is key—when kids see stories that reflect their experiences, they realize they’re not alone.

Second, by teaching that true belonging doesn’t require sacrificing who they are. The right friends will accept them for who they are, and sometimes, the bravest thing a kid can do is stand firm in their identity—even when it’s the hardest choice.

Ajay’s story reflects a reality many kids face: the pressure to conform can lead to bad choices. But his journey also reveals something important—self-love and finding people who embrace us as we are can create a deeper sense of belonging than any attempt to fit in ever will.