PRIDE MONTH GUEST POST: author Z Brewer
The Sinister Motives of a Middle School Librarian
by Z Brewer
When I was twelve years old, my librarian taught me to steal.
I know, I know. Not the greatest influence, right? She was also my dealer all through middle school, but we’ll get to that in a bit.
For the life of me, I can’t seem to remember her name—possibly an effort by my subconscious to protect us both should law enforcement ever become involved. But I can recall with absolute clarity the day she taught me to steal. I’d just walked into my school library after English class and saw the oddest thing. She was taking books off of the shelves and placing them in a box. Curious, I asked her what she was doing, as that was the opposite of what I understood her job to be. As she sat the box on the counter, she told me, “I’m no longer allowed to check these books out to students. These books have been banned.”
I’ll never forget the look in her eye as she nudged the box toward me. It was a look of daring, a look that said, “Do it. Take one. Read it. Break the rules.” She turned away—obviously in an effort to obtain plausible deniability in having been a witness to my crime. Unable to resist her siren call to rule-breaking, I reached into the box, grabbed a book and left the library with it in-hand. That book was The Catcher in the Rye. So not only was I a thief, I’d soon become a defiant reader of banned material.
But that was just the beginning.
I spent a lot of time in the library. Being a bullied kid wasn’t easy, and the library was my safe haven. My librarian took advantage of that and started recommending different books for me to read. It wasn’t long before I was hooked. I tore through stories like Dracula and Fahrenheit 451. I’d finish reading a book the night before and rush to the library the next morning, eager for another tale. I needed to read. She’d gotten me hooked on it. Soon I saw stories everywhere I went. In the hall between classes. On the bus on the ride home. Stories became a part of me and I a part of them. And it was all her fault.
And then…then…
I’d just finished reading The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde, when she set another book on the table in front of me. With a knowing smile, she said, “I think you’re going to like this one.”
She knew I was unable to resist. She knew I no longer wanted to read—I needed to read. And read I did. The book she gave me was Carrie by Stephen King. Only this time, something was different. This time, I didn’t just experience the thrill of reading, of being fully immersed in another world, another life. This time she’d changed my life forever.
It took me two days to finish Carrie, and when I did—and I’ll never forget that moment—I closed the cover and said out loud to myself, “That’s what I want to be. I want to be an author.”
It took a long time for my dream to come true, but it did. And I’ll always blame her for it.
So there you have it. I was once a bullied kid with no real interests to speak of, and because of my librarian, I became a rule-breaking thief, hooked on reading, whose life had been forever changed. All because of a librarian and her sinister ways.
About the Author
Z Brewer is the New York Times bestselling author of several books, including the Chronicles of Vladimir Tod series, and more short stories than they can recall. Their preferred pronouns are they/them. When not drying readers’ tears because they killed off a beloved character, they write books. Z is also an outspoken mental health and anti-bullying advocate. Plus, they have awesome hair. Z lives in Missouri with a husband person, one children person, and four furry overlords that some people refer to as “cats.” Visit Z online at www.zbrewerbooks.com
